YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU…
Sunday October 16th
So far like every Sunday I have woken up without any idea of my plans for the day. I would’ve liked to sleep in later but my body clearly just doesn’t allow it. I think I just have been so exhausted physically and mentally that my body is having a hard time catching up. This past week I tried to get back into going to the gym; I went Wednesday morning and did legs and that was it for the week. My legs were SO sore, I think today was the first day I have been able to walk and not look like I have a stick up my ass. Anywho, maybe this week will be more successful in the exercise department… As I was saying, I woke up earlier than I had planned so I laid there for a while and tried brainstorming how I planned on being self-ish today. Considering how sore my body has been I thought maybe a professional massage would be the perfect thing.
It has been such a long time since I've gotten a massage; me and my family used to go to a place back home, it was just a large room where everyone could get a massage at the same time. It was super casual, you didn’t strip down or anything and they gave one hell of a massage. I think I liked it a lot more because you didn’t have to be alone in a room, 99% naked, with a stranger. This one time though, I made the mistake of asking for a hot rocks massage at that same place. I am not sure what I was thinking but when we all walked in my entire family went one way and I was taken back to this separate little room and was handed a bucket and then was just left in there. I remember sitting there with the bucket thinking “ what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”. The lady walked back in to me sitting there still fully clothed holding the empty bucket. Me being the extremely modest person I then finally realized in order to have a hot rock massage, you needed to take most of your clothes off. I am laughing while writing about it right now. I honestly think I ended up keeping everything on except maybe my shirt. Then I proceeded to be scorched with burning hot rocks… NEVER again. Another time when I was getting a normal massage with everyone else I was face down in the little head piece and my masseuse seriously tooted. And I say it was a ‘toot’ because it really was a toot, not a fart. You know the difference. I tried soooo hard not to burst out laughing, but if anyone were to look at me under the bed, I had tears just streaming down my face. So clearly I haven’t had the most luck when it has come to getting a massage.
Today was the day I would give it another shot, years later. It was actually a pretty good massage, but I just think I was super on edge about it all. So I have come to the conclusion that I just am not the professional massage type! I’m sure my body appreciated it, but maybe I just stick to stretching on my own or something…
I decided that today I would really spoil myself because I made pretty decent money last night serving and I deserve a little pampering. I ended up driving down to Naples to the first restaurant I had ever dined alone at. This had to have been close to three years ago. I remember being so terrified that I sat in my car for quite a while contemplating it. (Not going to lie, I did the same thing again today). I sat at a booth that faced the rest of the restaurant making me feel quite vulnerable. So many thoughts going through my head, “ do I look like a loser?”, “ where do I even look?” “ should I just go on my phone to get through it?”. I had the nicest waiter who didn’t make me feel slightest bit awkward for being there alone, and I put my phone in my purse and didn’t touch it the entire time. I know that sounds dramatic but dont even try to act like that would be easy for anyone to do these days; We are glued to our screens.
So flash forward to today. I got a little dressed up, aka flared jeans and cute cow print booties I’m obsessed with, had anxiety the entire drive, got there and thought about turning around and going home. I don’t know why I get so nervous, but I guess that’s what I wanted this blog to be all about: doing things alone, even if you are nervous. So I did it, I walked across the street, opened the doors to be greeted by the sweet hostesses and what do I do? Word salad… everywhere. I went to ask her about where I wanted to sit and I honestly have no idea what the hell came out of my mouth but I can tell you it made no sense. She just looked at me all confused and I just shut up and said I would sit anywhere. I ended up sitting at the bar because I felt super awkward facing the kitchen. Of course I had no idea what I wanted so I just had the bartender surprise me. Anything to take the edge off. I think she ended up making me a skinny margarita which was super tasty. I sat there for a while and enjoyed my drink along with the most delicious hummus platter and edamame dumplings.
Side note: No one cares!!!! I clearly still struggle with this quite a bit, thinking everyone is looking at you and judging. Seriously no one is probably paying attention to you. People don’t go to restaurants to judge other people that are there. They go there to eat food and spend time with the people that joined them. Or in my case, to sip on a cute cocktail and type my little heart out. Even if someone wanted to judge you for being alone, jokes on them because they probably have never had the courage to treat themselves to a nice meal all alone.
Other side note: I have kinda touched upon in previous posts, do not feel bad about turning people down. It is your day to be self-ish, other people can wait. It really is not easy to do, especially when someone is asking you a favor but it doesn’t make you a shitty person saying no. Try your best to not compromise the time you have planned on spending with yourself. It is just as important (if not more important) than the time you spend with others. Most people will understand if you turn them down because you already have plans with yourself. At least personally, on this journey everyone that knows about my Self-ish Sundays are not only completely understandable, but even super supportive. I have people asking me every week “Shelby what do you have planned for your Self-ish Sunday this weekend?” And they are genuinely interested. It is a really awesome feeling.
Little note to end on: A close friend of mine shot me a text this morning knowing what day it was and simply said, “Hope u have a good day, I want to just remind you that there's almost 8 billion people in this world and it's impossible to make everyone happy. The least u can do is make yourself happy:)”. They just really put everything into perspective and it just goes to show that you can’t control everything but you sure as hell can control your life. Cheers to that!!
