One week till graduation…
10 years later… *spongbob voice*
Gosh talk about slacking, clearly it’s been more than a while since I last posted a blog. I wouldn’t say I haven’t been selfish in the past few months, but maybe not in the ways I had planned I would be, and that’s okay. But here I am on a Sunday trying to be self-ish again. I feel like I have been in a constant state of anxiety for an abundance of different reasons, so I thought why not toss my headphones on and go for a little solo walk to Starbucks. I’m not going to lie, I instantly felt so much better… why haven’t I been doing this all these weeks?? Maybe I should start taking my own advice…
In exactly one week from now, I’ll be graduated from college!!! WTF?!?! I seriously can’t wrap my head around it. I still feel like a high schooler. How is my school experience officially coming to an end? People have been asking me if I’m excited about graduation… what a loaded question. I tend to answer quite honestly. No. I really am not (at least right now). I am 100x more sad, anxious, and worried than excited. Am I pumped to never have to sit in a classroom again listening to a professor read off of a screen, or not have to study for a huge exam? Yes. I have been ready to be done with school since Kindergarten. Am I ready to leave what my life has been for the past 4 years? Absolutely not.
I don’t want to sound dramatic and like I’m the only one struggling because all of us are really in the same boat. We are all at a point in our lives of dramatic change and extreme uncertainty. Anyone would struggle with that but most people deal with it in very different ways. Most people don’t enjoy change but we really don’t have a choice but to just roll with it. So for quite a few weeks now through multiple highs and lows and the start of a rollercoaster of emotions towards graduating, I have been reminding myself a few things. No matter what, try to do everything while you can. Enjoy every second you get to spend with the people who bring you joy. Be all in. Because once you walk across that stage and those tassels are switched to the left side, everyone will be on an entirely new path. A path of nothing but their own. And a path that doesn’t have a clear view ahead. I look at it this way: If you are still taking advantage of the little amount of time left, even knowing how hard it is going to be when the time comes, at least you can’t look back and have regrets. You did what you could with the time you had and everything else is out of your control. What is the saying? There is no point in stressing about the things that you can not control. I guess that is true but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck in the moment. I think that is a little easier said than done. “Everything will work itself out”, I’ve heard that quite a bit, and I agree it will, but god damn is it bittersweet.
I just listened to a podcast, People Pleasers (so amazing you need to listen to it), before starting this blog and they made a comment about your senior year of college. No one tells you how stressful and emotionally draining your last year is. You hear “Senior year is your best year” and “You just get to have fun all year”. They are either lying to you or they have no freaking idea what they are talking about. Senior year is really over long before you realize it. All of a sudden you have 2 weeks left, everyone is stressed and busy with finals and making time to see everyone before moving out. In a blink of an eye you are actually considering the last time you are going to see people. Such a weird thought. How do you go from seeing people every day to being thousands of miles away and wondering how that is ever going to work out?
I’m not sure if other people feel the same, but I have never been one for saying “bye” to people. Even on the phone I rarely hang up by saying “bye”. To me it just feels so much more eternal; Like it is the last time you are going to ever talk to or see that person again or something. Just freaks me out. That definitely has to do with things I have gone through in the past but that is for an entirely different blog. Anywhoooo, instead of saying the B word, I say “See you later”. It gives a sense of hope in times when you honestly might not feel too optimistic. So basically I am sort of convincing my mind that things might not be as difficult as I feel like they are going to be over the next few days. Maybe wishful thinking considering I have almost cried every day for the past week or so ha ha… Not sure why I am sharing all of this but I thought it was semi-fitting for a time like this and to be quite honest it feels pretty nice to get that out.
So how do you be self-ish during times like these? Is it even appropriate to be? Absolutely. These are extremely difficult and confusing times so you need to do what’s best for yourself (but obviously not at the complete expense of others). If you are going through it and you just really need to curl up in bed with your headphones on for the night instead of going out to the bar, then do that. Communicate your needs to others and those who actually care will understand and be fully supportive of that. If you want to hang out with someone then freaking tell them and go hang out with them. If you need help studying or maybe just need a little moral support doing so, shoot them a call and ask. Your needs might not always align with your friends' needs but don’t put yours on the back burner all the time. And vice versa; Make sure you are still taking into consideration what everyone else is going through. Take time to check in on them or maybe do something simple to brighten their day. It's the little things guys. Do it while you still have the time.
I know this blog might have been a bit on the more emotional side, but hey these are emotional times. Am I excited for my future and do I think I am going to have a hell of one? Sure thing! I know I will be okay, and I’d like to believe everything happens for a reason (considering it is most definitely tattooed on me), but I am allowing myself to feel all of the emotions that come along with times like these. They help you realize just how much you care about people, just how much you have learned, and just how lucky you are for having things that make saying “see you later” so hard.
